Recently, Sara said it seems so hard to change my habits and commit to doing things differently, because…
I feel so guilty he needs me. If I go off and do what I want to do he’ll be on his own. And whenever I think of changing, I think god I’m just so lazy. I can’t be consistent. And then I think I probably can’t do it. Or I’ll fail and it’ll be one more thing that shows I can’t get it done.
You know if I really do what I want to do I really fear I’ll be judged. My family doesn’t value what I want to do, so I feel guilty doing it. Then I find I don’t do what I like or I hide what I’m doing.
Usually it means I give up what I want, to be available for him. But then I feel so trapped. It feels so hopeless because if I don’t do it, who else will?
Plus, I don’t want him to be alone.
This just isn’t what I envisioned for myself. I saw myself in a completely different life. I think if I did what I really wanted to do I wouldn’t be doing any of the things I’m doing, so I don’t even want to look at this. It just feels to big. So I just say it’s okay, it’s fine. I’m doing okay, I can make this work.
But really inside, I feel like I’m just wound so tight I could crack. And some days I just don’t want to be here. It all feels so hard and too big to fix. So I go on saying it’s fine but now that I’m talking to you, I know it’s not fine. And I need to do something different, to live something different. And it’s really scary. Giving myself permission to talk about this and to really look at changing the situation and facing all of my fears that keep me stuck.
This conversation I had with Sara is so familiar, because of who I was before I changed my eating, and my perspective on myself and my life. It’s what I hear often from women I talk with. Her story is true in some ways for all of us in the struggle.
When we’re stuck in our story, it’s impossible to see a way out. I tried for years but as Einstein said “The mind that created the problem can not fix the problem”. We can’t see the situation any differently than our own point of view. Which is why we need others who can see beyond our story and show us possibilities where none seemed possible before.
A Course In Miracles says a miracle is shift in perspective and being able to see your situation differently is a miracle. It takes consistent practice to develop a miracle mindset, but all of us can do it.
What I know: doing it alone means taking the hard road, having others help you see things differently is the key to your success. And the key to your happiness and peace of mind.
You can feel so alone in your story and feel so stuck and it can feel so unchanging but it’s not impossible or hopeless no matter how long you’ve lived it. But on your own, it’s hard and exhausting and why it’s so easy to quit on your yourself.
When I turned around my eating/life story, I did it with a lot of help. A like minded community, a guide, and a mentor. I needed a lot of support helping me to upgrade my thinking. Because I’d been thinking the same thoughts in the same way about my situation for decades. You don’t change your thoughts just because something makes sense in the moment. You get help learning to turn your habitual thinking around. And with support and accountability change happens, plus it’s tons more fun.
I’m forever grateful for all the hands and hearts that guided, supported and lifted me beyond my personal stuckness and now I daily get to live in the miracles. Not to say there aren’t times that I feel yucky, but they are short lived and now I’ve a tribe to help me keep me moving towards what works. And why I’m so passionate about what I do.
Life on your own without peeps who get you and are cheering you on, is the hard way. Wouldn’t you rather live the passionate life you came here to live?
As Mary Oliver says ” What will you do with this one big beautiful life?”.
If you’re hanging out in “everything is fine”, life may not seem so big and beautiful.
So much love to you in living in the miracles.