Terry said, I struggle with not hating myself. I can’t help it every time I look in the mirror I see how fat I am and how many times I’ve failed, it makes me miserable, I can’t stop telling myself how horrible I am! I weigh so much more than I used to, everyone who looks at me knows how hideous I look. I think I look hideous it’s so unfair I can’t hide my size. People say whatever they want to fat people it’s so hurtful what they say, I’d never say this about someone else. How do I get past the hatred I feel for myself? I look in the mirror reminded of how I look and how I’ve f-d up! I know I’m funny and smart and talented and creative but really I suck at this weight thing, I can’t hide it, everywhere I go I’m reminded of how I look, I see others responses to me since I’m fatter than I was. I’ve 3 sizes of clothes I can’t fit into, another constant reminder, I’m fat!
When Terry and I began working together this was her constant mantra. She’d go to a business function convinced she knew what others were thinking, (because it’s what she kept telling herself). The mind is programmed by your thinking, the more you tell yourself how horrible you are the more you believe you’re horrible, and no one can convince you otherwise!
When I was a child I wasn’t expected to excel. I’ve a very smart older sister, in ways I’m not. She excelled in school, was the president of a youth group, went to college on scholarship, the oldest and a born leader. I too was a smart and a leader, but in different ways; a change thinker, a creative, an intuitive, inquisitive open to knew ways and experiences, unconventional in my thinking but not what was applauded or understood in my immediate world. I grew up thinking she was the smart one. I didn’t believe in my brilliance until I found my spiritual path and niche, than I discovered and developed my skills and talents, and began working in ways aligned with who I was. The opposite of the lie I’d been believing about myself. Experiencing myself from a different view point, allowed me to be a champion for myself and feel good and excited about being me. Resulted in my looking better, feeling healthier, excelling at my work and being able to inspire others to do the same.
Because no matter what others say or what you achieve externally, if you don’t feel it or believe it it won’t stick. As Marianne Williamson says “We are all meant to shine it’s in all of us not just some of us, we are here to manifest the glory of god” ~Our Deepest Fears.
What was true for me about seeing myself differently in my life is true for being overweight. When you see yourself from a different viewpoint you change the way you view and refer to yourself. The more you focus on what’s wrong with you or how you’re not good enough or smart enough or are too fat, or you can’t lose weight, the more being this way clings to you.
How do you start to turn around your thinking?
It begins with the awareness of what you’re doing.
Ask yourself how’s your self talk, is it negative?
Do you berate yourself for your choices? Do you judge yourself for your weight?
Do you say things to yourself you’d never say to a friend?
This is the beginning to discovering your thinking. Be gentle with yourself you’ve been talking to yourself this way for a long time, many hours a day, weeks, months years. Changing your thinking is a process, but it will change and so can you! You’re worth it!
Einstein said “The mind that created the problem can not fix the problem”.
You need support to help recognize your thinking.
When it’s been so constant, you don’t even realize it’s a lie!
- Identify your thinking, pay attention (what are you telling yourself).
- Develop a relationship with something bigger than you to change your thinking, god (good orderly direction), the universe, the ocean, anything bigger than you can help you change.
- Meditating will start quieting your mind and begin to allow other thoughts beside your negative thoughts to enter.
- Introduce a mantra to change the pattern, i.e. “I love and accept myself exactly the way I am” (if it feels like a lie, it’s ok, you’ve been lying to yourself for years but believing the lie was true)!
Let me know what happens!! You deserve to feel good and if you’re not feeling good, start with your thinking, it’s where change happens. I’d love to be part of your support let’s talk, it’s my specialty helping you change your thinking to moving beyond the stuckness so you can soar in your life!